I have had good days (days where I am able to be prayerful and patient), and bad days (well, the opposite of the good ones :)).
I was up last night with Naomi from 1:30 - 2:30 a.m., so this morning I was dragging. I honestly don't know how I lived my life with so little sleep when the girls were newborns. It seems like now that they sleep through the night, whenever they don't for some reason, I cannot handle the lack of sleep. It makes me very cranky!
We had to go to Target this morning to pick up a birthday present, and on the way home I was thinking about a lot of overwhelming things:
2. I need a hair cut.
3. If everyone keeps being sick I will never have a clean house again!
4. I need a pedicure.
5. My Mom's health.
6. I hope the birthday girl doesn't get a duplicate of what I got her at Target.
7. I need a nap.
8. Why didn't I eat breakfast?
Okay, so, maybe some of those don't seem that overwhelming! But when they add up and are swirling around in your head, it can take you to some very dark and doubting places.
I had flipped on the radio and turned it up to try and keep the girls from falling asleep in the car (I wanted them to nap at home and if they fall asleep in the car, the nap will not happen!).
It was on the Christian radio station, which is not my favorite, but they LOVE it and I don't have to worry about questionable themes and lyrics for the most part.
So, I am just driving along trying to keep my children awake, wallowing in some pretty overwhelming thoughts, and the old hymn "He Leadeth Me" comes on.
- He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.
- Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
- Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
- And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
Such beautiful words and a beautiful reminder that I am being lead by my Father in Heaven. The illnesses, extra responsibilities, sleepless nights, squeaky tight budget, and unkempt toe nails - well, those are just for a season.
"Content, whatever lot I see, Since ’tis my God that leadeth me."
I just drove and cried and let the tears fall hot on my face.
We made it through the rest of our day. I kissed and snuggled my babies, I hugged my husband tight. I thanked God for leading us to this place and time.
I found peace just in the nick of time today, and for that I am grateful.