Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Loss and A Lesson in Love

In 2008, two days after Christmas, we lost our first baby.  We always remember this little one, but we think of him or her more at Christmas time.  I was about ten weeks pregnant when we realized the baby was not going to make it.  We were home visiting with our families for the holidays.  I had actually started bleeding on Christmas morning, but had called the doctor, and was just waiting and hoping everything was okay.  On the day after Christmas, I was in a movie theater with a few of my nieces and nephews and Patrick was out with his brothers.  After the movie, I went to the bathroom, and knew immediately that there was something wrong.  I called Patrick and my nieces and nephews waited with me in a hotel parking lot for him to come.  I learned later that he had put his hazard lights on and literally ran red lights to get to me.  I called my doctor, and they told me to go ahead and go to the hospital.  We got to the emergency room, and after some blood work and an ultra sound, it was determined that our little one had no heart beat and had actually passed away at around 5 weeks gestation.  We left the hospital and went to Patrick's parents house.  Both of our families were waiting there for us, and Patrick's Mom had packed up all of our bags for us.  I had really just wanted to go home with Patrick as soon as we could.  Our family prayed with us and cried with us, and we were on our way.  We got home around midnight, and I actually miscarried the baby the following evening.  We will always love that little soul that God blessed us with that year.  We would have carried that child for 1 week or 10, we would have cared for him or her for their whole life.  We know that God knows best, and we learned through the experience of losing a child, to depend on God more, and to love each other more deeply.  As we watch our two little girls experiencing the Christmas season this year, our hearts are filled with thankfulness and awe, for we know that each moment we are given to hold them is a treasure and a wonderful gift from our Heavenly Father.


  1. i cried the whole way through this post. I never knew the whole story. I am truely sorry for you loss. I am filled with joy beyond words for the 2 babes God has given you both! They are definitely not replacements, but extensions of the love you had for each other and your first babe! what amazing strength you had/have!

    1. Becky, Thank you for your kind words. We are thankful too for N & E! I want you to know that you and Chad are amazing examples of strength and hope to me - we were all so young when you lost Mason, and I watched you push through and lean into each other with God's help. Penelope is such an amazing little girl, and I love getting to see you guys grow as her parents. Wish we lived closer, but am thankful to get to keep up with you in spite of the distance!

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story (again), sweet baby sister of mine! I know too well this pain and loss, but I also know that our 3 babies are in a place... a perfect place with the One who created and gave life... even if only for a short time. Love you! xo <3